Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Nature of the Beast(excerpt 'Raising Nick' re: Culture)

Kids say the darndest things. Everyone knows it but I swear this kiddo of mine tops the list.

His latest epiphany: little Viv is a beast.

Here's how he came to this conclusion:

As I sat there feeding Viv in her high chair (she's at the saying "mmm" every time you put food in her mouth stage), Nick comes out of his room to avoid cleaning it.

Nick: Remember when we had Chinese day in 1st grade?

Note: They learned about Chinese customs, ate Chinese food and were given one of those place mats displaying the Chinese zodiac.

The Chinese zodiac, much like the Western zodiac, features twelve signs. Yet, instead of a monthly cycle, each personality is based on a 12 yr cycle. The personality associated with each sign is supposed to be how people perceive you. There are also 4 groups, or Trines, consisting of three similar personalities or perfect balances.

Nick: What year were you born, mom?
Me: 19XX...Never ask a woman that question.

Nick: You are a Rabbit.

I am a rabbit. (haha) Gracious, good friend, kind, sensitive, soft-spoken, amiable, elegant, reserved, cautious, artistic, thorough, tender, self-assured, shy, astute, compassionate, lucky, flexible. Can be moody, detached, superficial, self-indulgent, opportunistic, stubborn.

Yup, sounds like me except for the whole I'm not Chinese and don't follow this bit.

Rabbits belong to the 4th Trine. The other two personalities in my Trine are the Sheep and the Pig. The quest for these three signs is the aesthetic and beautiful in life. Their calm nature gives them great leadership abilities. They are artistic, refined, intuitive, and well-mannered. These souls love the preliminaries in love, and are fine artists in their lovemaking. The Rabbit, Sheep and Pig have been bestowed with calmer natures than the other 9 signs. These three are compassionately aware, yet detached and resigned to their condition. They seek beauty and a sensitive lover. They are caring, unique, self-sacrificing, obliging, sensible, creative, empathic, tactful, and prudent. They can also be naive, pedantic, insecure, cunning, indecisive, and pessimistic.

Me: What are you?
Nick: I'm a Sheep.

Ah, the Sheep. Righteous, sincere, sympathetic, mild-mannered, shy, artistic, creative, gentle, compassionate, understanding, mothering, peaceful, generous, seeks security. Can be moody, indecisive, over-passive, worrier, pessimistic, over-sensitive, complainer, weak-willed.

Me: What is Dad?
Nick: What year was dad born?

Me: 19XX.

Nick: Whoa. Dad is also a sheep and you know what, the new baby will be a rabbit too! Isn't that cool?!?!

The irony here is that we all belong to the same Trine so in theory, we have the perfect balance for each of our personalities.

Nick: Oh Oh, Mom.
Me: What?

Nick: It says that Viv is a Tiger.

Tiger. Let's see, Tiger, Tiger- ah, TIGER. Unpredictable, rebellious, colorful, powerful, passionate, daring, impulsive, vigorous, stimulating, sincere, affectionate, humanitarian, generous. Can be restless, reckless, impatient, quick-tempered, obstinate, selfish, aggressive, moody.

Holy sh*t. I don't know which one I should be more concerned with- Nick being like Gus, this next baby like me, or Viv with this wild-child hat.

Nick: She's going to eat us alive! A rabbit and sheep are a tiger's prey.
Me: ::blink blink::

I love how his brain works.

Incidentally, curious about additional Chinese zodiac information, I checked up on it later. It turns out that the all-knowing place mat lists Viv's birth year as a Tiger however it's also based on birth dates so Viv is actually an Ox. Neither here nor there with me because I don't believe in any of this hocus pocus, just an interesting fact.

Oh, one last thing; In the Western Zodiac, I'm TOTALLY screwed. I'm a Libra. Gus is a Capricorn. Vivian is a Capricorn. (My mom is a Capricorn.) Nick is a Leo and odds are, this next daughter will be a Taurus. Yup, a conflict loathing Libra surrounded by the most hard-headed creatures: goats, a lion and a bull.

God help me. Wait- God + zodiacs... lol

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Poor Uterus

I'm pretty sure my husband has lost his mind. No- really, he has.

Gus loves kids. I knew that within moments of meeting him, well actually Nick did. Granted Nick will engage anyone in a conversation but the day I met my husband, Nick chatted up a storm with him and Gus loved every minute. My husband was genuinely enthralled with Nick and vice-versa, so much so that I can count the words I personally spoke to Gus that night on one hand. It's funny how many men try to worm their way into a woman's life by smooth talking their children. I say it's funny because it's always so obviously forced that it's pathetic.

In my husband's case, everyone could tell he was genuine and I admit it's one of the reasons that I opened up the dating door for Gus. In hindsight, I'm glad that I did.

Except, that is, when he makes comments regarding future inhabitants of my uterus.

When we were pregnant with Viv, he asked the OBGYN if there were any fertility drugs that I could take that would produce multiples 'the next time' around. ... Both the doctor and I did a Scooby-esque 'Aroo,' with the doc responding 'finish with this one first.' His excitement was cute but I never thought he was serious....although he later had me eating cassava and drinking nothing but whole milk for the entire 6 month waiting period before trying to conceive again.

Fast forward a little over a year and our daughter will turn one on the same day I reach the halfway point with our current pregnancy. She will be 16 months old when her sister makes her grand appearance. I figure three children will be manageable....even with two under the age of 2.

As it is, my calendar is full. I care for the kids. I run my husband's company. I run our home + this pregnancy has kicked me in the butt. My hands are full.... OF LOVE, but there's still room for the one scheduled to arrive in May.

There is not, however, room for a 4th or so on. So, naturally, you can imagine my concern when he mentioned trying for #4 in a year or two.

How do people do it? Moreover, how do the mothers of triplets+ do it?

If I didn't think it would put a serious strain on our marriage, I would ask the doctor to snip/tie/BURN those magical tubes before he closes me up after this C-section. Gus would be seriously disappointed, though. I won't even go into his reaction to vasectomy talks.

I'll tell you one thing, it's going to take a whole lotta diamonds, abdominoplasty, breast augmentation and quite possibly a Porsche BUNCH of convincing on his part for me to even consider being a human cocoon again.

Three children is more than enough, right?